I’ve wanted to post on this subject for sometime but had always felt alone in my view. After reading a post over at Minus the Bars (plus chatting with a girlfriend this weekend who feels the same), I now feel it’s time to write this ‘rant’.
I cannot STAND being a woman!! Before I go on, let me be clarify. If I were born a man, I’d probably be gay because I do like the male physique. And when a man actually knows how to use his ‘tool’ or is knowledgeable of a woman’s body, well, I like what men can offer. But overall, being a woman sucks! Here are some reasons I say that;
1. The ‘buds’. They actually hurt like hell when they first start to grow. They eventually turn into breasts but boy does it suck at the start.
2. The mighty menstrual cycle. My goodness do I remember my first as it was the achiest, painful part of becoming a woman. At first I thought it was cool because “now I’m a woman” was my thoughts. Not realizing that from there on– each month brings water weight gain, aches and headaches. I can’t fail to mention that insomnia becomes a part of that as we get older.
3. The “ogle factor“. I cannot stand being gawked at. I keep physically fit because I want to live a long, healthy life, not because I want to be slobbered after as though I’m a piece of meat or something!
3. Becoming pregnant and the awful morning sickness. Some women are only sick during the first 3 months but some of us are sick (nauseated from then) until the birth. Imagine feeling that way for 10+ months!!
4. CHILD BIRTH! Honestly, that shyt ain’t right! You can split your innards (which requires stitches), you can poop during delivery, toss your cookies (that’s throw-up in lay terms) and you feel like you’ve been hit by a MAC Truck several days after. And if you have to get a C-section, well… that’s 6 extra weeks of misery. (It ain’t right, I tell ya’!!)
5. Cancer. Not only are people concerned about cancer in general, but women have 3 extra areas of concern; breast cancer, ovarian cancer and cervical cancer. I’ve come to terms that the parts that make us women may also kill us. (Shyt ain’t right, I tell ya’).
6. The “stirrups”. I loathe GYNO visits. You simply never get use to that cold hard steel being inserted inside of you while the Dr. says, “scoot down and relax”. Yeah, right!!!
7. Walking alone. Seems harmless enough but if you’re a woman, that could potentially mean rape (and gang rape.) Remember that NY jogger or the Puerto Rican Festival? I like communing with nature. It clears my head and makes room for creativity but I dare not walk alone anymore because of my gender.
8. Freakin’ parking garages— see number 7 for that.
9. Men who get us pregnant and leave. Need I say more?
10. Unequal pay. Although we’ve made leaps and bounds in the workplace, we are still not valued the same as men. They still earn more than women. There’s a reason why companies tell us not to discuss salary amongst our co-workers– women are still payed less.
11. Physical abuse. I’ll never comprehend how a man can strike a woman, but they do. It seems as though that’s becoming a norm amongst some men these days.
12. The “catty factor”. I really hate that women will connive and try to ‘steal your man’ instead of us uniting more. We hate each others hair, clothes, status– all of those trivial things that don’t matter. We really should have figured out a way to become more united since there are far more women on earth than men.
12. Our ‘fist fights”. Why pull hair?! I think that is SOOOO WEAK! Let’s fight like men or don’t fight at all. (I personally don’t think women should ever get physical with each other). We are only side shows for men when we pull hair (or weaves as it were in today’s world), rip off clothes etc. And now, these fights are posted on the internet. It’s a real shame that we subjected ourselves to this behavior because we are usually fighting over a dude that could give a shyt about us. I am proud to say, that I’ve never fought over a man, BUT I’ve been accused of stealing a man without base. My three fights were based on being called the N-word back in the 70’s. (That’s when the entire world found that word offensive). I didn’t need to pull their hair because my father taught me a move to put a muthafvker on the ground before they see my fists coming. Not proud, just stating that he taught me a technique to defend myself.
13. Our vagina can fall the f*ck out! Yes, that’s right!! Our vagina can fall out and can take our rectum with it! I only learned of that shyt last year! See this post: “My Vagina…”
It’s funny, I can remember being around 8 years old as I hugged on my grandma’s shoulder crying that I just didn’t want to be a girl. Seems my feelings at such a young age have finally revealed why I felt that way… being a woman is a life long struggle. It ain’t right, I tell ya. I honestly can’t think of one advantage to being a woman. Seriously, as hard as I try– I draw a blank but what do you say? What’s the upside to being a woman?
“Rant and observation” ends now.